..............I don't even know!

What's the reason why?....What's the reason why we can't just get along?

Why do we try so hard, try to so hard to keep taking from each other?
Why do we enjoy the feeling, the feeling of hurting another?
Why are we so selfish, that we can't see past ourselves.....why is it so hopeless, when our guidance lies near us.

My heart can't seem to mend the ways of man. Is it just the way it's suppose to be? Will society continue to be this way, oppressing the innocent, stripping them of what's only fair. The human concern for one another doesn't belong to a majority, there's just a small lil handful of people that know equality. Equal rights is not the meaning of being able to walk topless down the road. Equality is the ability to see that each and every man and woman have needs and rights given to them through the divine guidance sent to humanity.

My heart bleeds with no real words to say and my heart feels with so much, so much..... I don't even know, I don't even know. I've asked once before and I'll ask again, why can we not feel for each knowing what it means to hurt, knowing what it means to bleed, knowing what it means to be a human .......both you and me!? .. My heart bleeds so with no real words to say, and my heart feels so much, so much.... I don't even know, I don't even know......

Every orphan child, widowed wife, every oppressed man, every beaten woman, every scared child, every being that has been a victim of someone's selfishness....I pray for you, I cry you, I love you with my heart 'cause I know you don't deserve what you got. But your patience and understanding may it be your key to eternal bliss.....forever happiness! You to me are the greatest souls in humanity, you to me are the greatest soul in humanity.

Live with honor, live with dignity.........live with honesty, live with humility......every soul shall taste death, may we be the ones that enjoy it's breath.

My heart bleeds with no words to say, my heart bleeds with so much, so much I don't even know.......I don't even know!

"Give a little of yourself..." --- my angels.. Masha'Allah

This post isn't going to be another poem but a cute incident that happened the other day. My dear eldest son, Abdullah (4 yrs old) got up a lil bit earlier than I did. So he went downstairs to find his nana sitting outside. He didn't come in my room at all. When I woke up maybe 30 minutes later he was standing by my door I guess to check if I was up. While I was sleeping he had picked a flower from the backyard and placed it on my bedside table. Without anyone telling him to do so. There after he ran to show me the flower he put and then climbed in bed to just talk :) And he's only 4 Masha'Allah!! I pray Insha'Allah both my boys will be this considerate when they grow up and make their wives the happiest women ever. After all we're at a shortage of decent men :P ... yes, yes and women I suppose :P

As for my lovely Umar *Masha'Allah*...he's still young (2.5 yrs) but Masha'Allah today he so kindly looked at me and said "mommy would you like some of my cookie" ... he was eating a chocolate chip cookie, fresh out of the oven made by Abdullah,Umar and a lil bit of my help :) Cookies made with lil hands are indeed the tastiest! :)

It's amazing what a lil kind gesture and an unanticipated thought towards someone can do.Doing something that is expected of you, and doing something for the mere sake of trying to please a person or even share part of yourself with them........it's such a huge difference. One is responsibility and the other is love. I don't know if it's innocence or just upbringing....Allahu Alim.

May we be of those who are aware of who is around us and be considerate souls.... Ameen.

Speared Wings

I'm like Muhammed Ali except I fly like a bee and sting like a butterfly. I've been walked upon, stomped for fun though not an "ouch" did I say. People acting as if I'm the one to blame it's a shame how the world makes innocence the hated and the liars get appreciated. Not to say I care, but I do admit that there's share that I don't see fair – out of the goodness in humanity, it's a shame we can call this unity. I may come across harder than a rock though all I can muster up is a "boo". I'm the deep blue sea getting tired of people polluting me! I'm like a shark with dentures, I got a rough stare those that know deep within I only care. I'm a tornado with a warm cool breeze, but my mental ease if not a reflection of the severity of this kind. Those that see me as anger don't know me as me. I've got a bite I've yet to use as the wisdom of my religion keeps my heart and soul clean. Those that can't respect don't even step – my life, my people have got to be filled with honesty and dignity. I'm not bragging, but I'm tired of having to feel as though I'm the one that's made a hole within the sick state of society we live today. I'm tired of feeling as though I've yet to do all that I can as though I'm the bad one that tried to take the good in life. I'm not bragging I'm just saying…….. what goes around comes around so watch what you do to other people 'cause it'll come right back to you! I'd never wish bad upon any other but the way life goes this is a trend you need to know.

May we be given strength, guidance and wisdom to see that there is no life except the life hereafter where all our actions will determine our real homes, our real lives - our eternity..ameen

Homesick

Have you heard of this place, maybe not so far away; closer then our shoelace some say. I dream of it night and day. It is a luxury of the highest standard wherein only the righteous stay. I miss it - my home that is. Though we have yet to meet I am hoping in my short stay I would have gathered enough to earn a seat. My heart is homesick and scared - what if I do not make it? Streams, gardens - Ah! A dwelling within the heavens. My home, my heart, my joy, my comfort, my every dream, my every hope.

Awaiting bliss by being homesick!

Eclipse - The Stolen Light

29:63-64 And if you were to ask them: Who causes water to come down from the sky, and with it revives the earth after its death? They verily would say, God. Say: Praise be to God! But most of them have no sense. This life of the world is but a pastime and a game. Lo! The home of the Hereafter - that is life, if they but knew.

So caught up in this game, the game of life. So lost in this world, walking towards an unknown. Unaware, transparent to the ultimate truth. With a mission, with a task.....walking this world busying in our life. So caught up in this game called life. So lost in this world walking towards an unknown. Where are we going, does anyone truly know? Though we can see, though we are constantly reminded, it is not enough. Our memories fail us, fading the reality ....so caught up in trying to make it, but make it where? Take a step out of your body and see life as a wandering soul, going where? Doing what? Money, friends, comforts of this world all end....though we know - why can we not feel it? Why do we forget so easily, why does it not mean anything to us? So caught up in this world just trying to make it a better way for ourselves, just trying to be good within our own kind. But do we live with real purpose? Do we live knowing there is an end, knowing that our life began in the darkness of the womb and it will end in the darkness of the grave - ECLIPSED! A short passage of light falls on us, it's our time, our moment, our opportunity - EMBRACE IT!........ if we know we would be in darkness for eternity what would we do with the hour of light we get? .. Perhaps ensure we would find comfort in our darkness before the light escapes? ....... Lost in our mind, lost in our world, corpses walking upon the earth. Inhale the light and let it radiant in the everlasting darkness. Become one with truth and your comfort will be secure. Breathe again o blessed ummah....breathe again before the light vanishes, before we are in our eternal resting place. Within the dirt, amongst the worms and debris. When our dust goes back as it came, when we are nothing but souls experiencing that which we prepared for when we were given the opportunity. Let’s breathe again ya Ummah....... let’s breathe again.

Selfish Gains

A man is a criminal when he steals, what is he when he chooses to kill those that have no defense? The innocent, the oppressed. It can only make a man obsessed with his own being, his own way of living. But stripped of his soul, dignity, honor, and respect ..... stripped of living his world content. Unless you can't see past the charade of extravagance beneath it lies an emptiness. A man is an animal none the less, a greater specie yet unable to contain himself, maintain himself with righteousness to humanity. It's a loss to the world, to mankind. Our worldly losses are individual gains - though a facade places forth appearing to be a victory. But step closer and you'll see ...put your hand forth and you will feel the heat of fire. The everlasting abode we may potentially retire. If it isn't collective then it's not worth it. It's an easy equation, which takes patience. Give each other your heart and your soul... think of others before your own. Life will be in peace, wars will seize, happiness will come with ease. Just takes a minute to look out around you, just takes a second to see. This is a rat race, I can see the pace...which evil will be faster to destroy a place? Compete with each other in good not for selfish gains. Selfish gains........... destroys the soul, the opportunity to dwell within the most extravagant of homes. Rise up to the challenge, ‘cause a selfish worldly gain is an everlasting loss and an eternity of strain.

Flithy Animals!! :(

This is in response to Guntanamo Bay... a sad situation :( .. my heart bleeds knowing such a thing exists and so openly... not even shame!
---

How can you be human, you disgusting man or woman?
You empty hollow soul, where ignorance is all you control
How can you sleep at night you nasty little mite?
How can you look at any being in the eye and not twitch, not cry?
How could you not feel for another?
How can you allow yourself to hurt in such cruelty … without dignity?!
How can you be a human, you twisted soul?
How could you say this is revenge when you’re hurting those that you can’t even say for sure?
Is this what you call honor and respect?
Is this what you call dying to keep the world safe and well kept?
How can you stand in the mirror and not drown in tears?Is locking a man behind bars not enough?
Do you have to strip him of his flesh and soul?
How do you wake up in the morning……?
How do you live knowing you are killer, a hunter, a savage!

No man must feel what they feel…no man must bear bruises especially in innocence. No man, no family, no mother, no wife, no human must be witness to such horror. God give you strength my brothers … God give you strength … Ameen :'( :'( :'(

Time waits for no one!

What is time in this world today?
Is it a healer or a killer?
Will it make you or break you?
What will it take from you?
Is it a changer or a way to say ‘hey maybe I don’t blame ya’?

What is time in this world today?
Will it be our cherished hour, minute or second?
Will it be just another hand or a tick-tock without a plan?
Is it our gift or our long list of what ‘ifs’?

What is time in this world today?
Will it be our destiny or just a mere excuse for our lack of effort to make it be?
Will it be our strength or our downfall?
Will it be our hand up or a bump to a pit below?

What is time in this world today?
Nothing but a wasted moment , wasted minute thinking of ourselves - our way
Emptiness in our being for our time only includes a selfish gain
It is the why we pain!
A human approach to excuse selfishness – let’s just worry about us
Is that it we live for…trying to make it more comfortable, maybe a beach house by the shore?

What is time in this world today………a wasted reality of what should have been yesterday!

2 'lil eyes

Inspired the group called Outlandish! .. you know it farz ;)

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~2 'lil eyes


There's two lil eyes piercing at me left me wondering what they will be...

Will they be a solider or just another casualty. Will they be bold and strong, will they be firm and tall or just an empty vessel in the sea. Will their innocence turn cloudy, will their hearts start breeding animosity.

There's two lil eyes piercing at me left me wondering what they will be...

Holding a force I cannot compare. From their smile to their cry my heart just can't help but wonder why. Will the light and joy turn cold, will it be frigid as the arctic sea. Will it breed anger, a cloud of danger... O' what will they be?

Will they be an orphan child fighting to survive, or a doctor in battle trying to save the weak. Will they be stolen from their youth, crippled beneath the bombs and trapped by the foolish political greed.

There's two lil eyes piercing at me burning a hole in my soul that's deeper than eternity.

Fight for your right sweet ‘lil child. Fear no one, no hardship, and no man that you see. Let your eyes be light - a guidance for sincerity. Beautiful child, beautiful angel don't let the clouds fill tonight. No rain, no tears, no thunder, no hatred. Just honor and strength my beautiful child....just honor and strength.

There's two lil eyes piercing at me and wondering… Dear God give them strength to be a vital part in changing their society!

The Essence of Life

So I was inspired again..what do you know, in the same week!! *or almost same week* :)

I wrote this which is something I've been thinking for a while but never could put it down in words and I'm not totally convinced this says exactly how I feel (perhaps I'll come up with another version another time)...but for now I thought I'd share it. Below I pasted what inspired me :) This has not been edited (like most things so forgive my mistakes :))

~ The Essence of Life
There was a hole in my soul I could not control
It kept telling my inside that I did not abide, that my love for this world increased inside
But I was not totally convinced that was the case, I just never found time to sit and increase the knowledge I love for all time
It created a burden always resting in my being, weighing down my shoulders
A neglect I felt I had done not realizing that I was tired by the time they day was complete
I had no energy, or patience to try and learn all that which can be learnt
Through my days I would still reflect about the 'lil things in life, never to forget God
Though my heart felt a different sorrow
My soul was contanstly feeling let down, as though my past was greater for I had time to comptemplate
But I've come to an understanding the love that I know, the knowledge that I see is what is and will always be in the lessons of life
It's the essence of life, it's the role of caring for children, it's the role of a wife
It's the essence of life, it's our duty to uphold it and control it
It's the meaning of our living our test to keep us doing what we know is right
Though my soul could not understand, though my heart felt I was missing a part
It's merely the essence of life, it's merely the essence of life
Live it with honor, live it with respect, live it with an understanding that we have to practice what we learn in order for it to have an effect
Never forget The Creator, the teachings that we have are greater when it goes futher than a book
The essence of life is imparting knowledge to our prodgeny, building a future with the love that we have
With an understanding that we gotta live and love, interact and learn holding on tight to the values, ethics and principals of the chosen way ... the only way...
The essence of life, is truth
Truth in all that we do, we say, and we become
Our religion is not a religion it's a life.. and it is THE essence of life!
-Shireen
------- (Below my inspiration)

Motherhood
...When she has her first baby, she must manage for another life even moredependent on her personal sacrifices. By the second, third, or fourth child, herdays and nights belong almost entirely to others. Whether she has a spiritualpath or not, such a mother can seldom resist a glance at the past, when therewere more prayers, more meanings, more spiritual company, and more serenity.When Allah opens her understanding, she will see that she is engaged in one ofthe highest forms of worship, that of producing new believers who love andworship Allah.She is effectively worshiping Allah for as many lifetimes she has children, forthe reward of every spiritual work her children do will be hers, without thisdiminishing anything of their own rewards: every ablution, every prayer, everyRamadan, every hajj, and even the works her children will in turn pass on totheir offspring, and, so on till the end of time. Even if her children do notturn out as she wishes, she shall be requited in paradise forever according toher intention in raising them, which was that they should be godly.Aside from the tremendous reward, within the path itself it is noticeable thatmany of those who benefit most from khalwa or "solitary retreat of dhikr" arewomen who have raised children. With only a little daily dhikr and worship overthe years, but much toil and sacrifice for others, they surpass many a youngerperson who has had more free time, effort, and "spiritual works." What they findis greater because their state with Allah is greater; namely, the awe, hope, andlove of the Divine they have realized by years of sincerity to Him. May Allah(swt) grant us all patience with our children and raise them as good,pious, godly people, Ameen. -Shaykh Nu Ha Mim Keller

Mother-Mommy-Mom-Mum-Ami-Mama-Ma ... like no other

AHH ME AGAIN-- finally :) Back from pakistan, from wedding stuff, from driving stuff...from all that fun annoying stuff called life :)

So I read an email (pasted below) and it inspired me to I suppose write a continuation or write something anything for that matter ;)

I never knew ...
I never knew I had any patience
I never knew I could sleep a couple hours and still go on
I never knew I would be able to change so many diapers
I never knew I would be able to calm a crying baby
I never knew I would be able to care for someone 24-7
I never knew I would be able to put up with a tantrum
I never knew I would be able to take my child for their vaccinations
I never knew I would be able to let them go for their first day of school
I never knew I could feel more for someone else than my own self
I never knew I the feeling of unconditional dedication
I never knew the strength I had
I never knew I'd pray so hard for the future
I never knew I would have so much doubt - am I doing enough? are they taking in all they can?
But as a mom I now know...
I pray for the children, ours, yours, and the worlds
I can see a child for their inner peace, and strength
As a mom I now know that I could only know the love of a mom, when I became one.
As a mom the circle of life continues
As a mom the future is being built
Through your strength and mine, as moms our scarfices are their successes
-Shireen

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Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom. Send this to someone who you think is a special Mom. I just did!
-author unknown

Resolution

I haven't the words to say exactly how I feel probably because it really feels as though my emotions and thoughts are a continious circle that will never die, nor be understood....


Resolution

Craving for a scent we cannot seem to bear, our hearts are tortured by the smelliness of the air. That hollow sound that some might think is wind, is the sound our souls gusting back and forth like a dangling string. Empty in our hearts we're praying for that guidance with no effort put forth with the world’s luxury’s we're trying to sort. Is it need or it is want?... Most of us do not know, all we can say is that it's best to have financial goal. But it is a goal we set or it a soul consuming event to try and plan ever little share not realizing that if we truly cared we'd see that there’s a solution to our woes. It's and easy resolve but hard to dissolve the grinding society has been digging in our skulls. Taking a moment for some air away from a world twisting about trying to gather as much as it could hold. There's a fear that we have, that poverty will eat us up alive but how can that be if we're enjoying lives luxury. No hunger pangs do we feel or terror when we kneel on the damp earth our only shelter without even a meal. There's a hidden force we cannot see, but if we try to feel it will be understood how true and real it is. Blessings are a funny matter, not so much with laughter but the understanding that one plus one will not equal two. If you give one with patience and good intent you'll find ten times as much be dished out in your plate. It will come but only when it's right, it will be hidden even from the strongest sight. It will embrace you but you must agree to allow yourself to see or you'll just keep on missing the meaning of this life. It's such an easy resolve if only you could know, if only you'd bow your head without counting the money you've made and spent. It's an easy resolve if only you knew that freedom comes in a life when there's eternal gratitude.

Blessed is he ...

There was once a man that lived he had barely enough to give. He had a loving mother and father but not long did they live. With his grandfather's hand to hold he grew into an honest noble man unable to read or write yet he had the greatest of sights; to seek what was right. He was a man of his word trusted and adored but again his strength took a blow as his grandfather was put to rest deep below. A blessed man he was, chosen above all others but see how much he struggled. A blessed man he was but he was beaten black and blue. He had to bury his dear wife and children too. Doesn't it make you wonder why a blessed man had to endure so much? Doesn't it make you see that blessed is he who has to earn eternity? For no soul shall bear a burden more than it could hold, so why do we continue to complain when we haven't a scar to claim? It's easy to see that blessings are not from the things we can touch - blessings are hidden opportunities for our hearts to clutch. Take a moment to reflect, sacrifice your world and the money that gives you comfort and control.....for a blessed man is he whose being projects serenity. A blessed man is he who lives in awareness. A blessed man is he who follows that which our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) did and that which he struggled to pass to us.
-Shireen (The Stolen Light)

The NEW "Blogger"

Bismillah

Assalamu'alaikum -- Allo -- Hiya -- etc etc

Hmm...as a new "blogger" I'm not sure what my first blog is suppose to be. To be honest I haven't really read blogs before, nor am I very familiar with them. Am I suppose to pretend I am talking to myself? Or that I have an audience? ... so many questions I tell you and no answers!!

Okay, so assuming I'm doing this correct, if there is such a way of doing it "correct" I suppose I should give a bit of background on myself. I am 23, living in ONT,Canada, married with 2 little angels....... Masha'Allah :) I am Muslim and extremely proud of it and to clarify my religion stands for peace not violence!!

That kinda felt weird, like I'm advertising myself for no apparent reason. Perhaps I should begin with an explanation of "Eclipse The Stolen Light", oui? .. It's the title of a book I was to have published (my poems) and though it is designed and all it has yet to be published. Eclipse- The stolen light signifies the light in our lives or rather the lack of it. In the womb our first beginings there is no light, and our death our end there is no light and so Eclipse is the middle portion of our life the glimpse of light we see before we vanish with the blink of an eye :) So now you know!
(Not sure who "YOU" is yet..or if there is a you, but anway)

Be warned from the begining, I'm bad at spelling, I hate proofreading and there is no such thing as "puncuation" in my mental dictionary :) My english is not bad, but put it in writing and this is what you get!! Ta-Da! :)

Oh yah one more thing...I'm a rambler...blabber a bit much..... if you haven't already noticed ;)

To conclude my first BLOG (is that the right terminogly or do i just say "post"?) .... a reminder to all:

The invocation of anyone of you is granted (by God) if he does not show impatience (by saying, "I invoked God but my request has not been granted.") -Prophet Muhammad [peace be upon him]

Pray for our hurting world!!